Head Scarves

February 12, 2009 All of the Afghan women I know cover their heads with scarves. Homemakers, professional women, young and old. Heads covered. This is Islamic tradition and Afghan women follow it without fail, even in their own homes.

I brought five scarves with me to Kabul and I have acquired another 5 since I have been here. I, too, wear my head covered but without the grace and dignity of my Afghan friends.

My scarf will not stay put. It slips and slides. I fuss with it endlessly, fiddling with my conspicuously fair hair every few minutes as it flies free from my scarf. Meanwhile, my Afghan friends sit with their hands folded on their laps, fully engaged in conversation. I am in the conversation, too, but my head is swimming with negative messages. "What is wrong with you that you can't keep this scarf in place?" "They must think I am hopeless."

My friends Nadia Noorzi, Noor Jahan Xousufuzai, Anargul Mansouri, Nadia Alkan, and Shekba ask me frequently about my scarves. How many do I have? Which is my best scarf? Their scarves run the gamut from the chic Marilyn Monroe look -- square silk scarf knotted under the chin -- to long chiffon with bling to yards of silk with mink tassels. In the mornings before I meet with my friends, I take extra care with my scarf.

So it was this morning that I decided to pull out my "good" scarf, the lavender silk scarf I bought to wear to the Inaugural Ball at the U.S. Embassy in Kabul. I swirled the silk scarf around my neck and then decided to cover my head with a second scarf -- second best, at that.

When I arrived at the Safi Landmark Hotel in Kabul for my get together with my friends , they admired the lavender silk scarf. "Very pretty, like your eyes," Nadia complimented me.

And then, halfway through our time together, Anargul, seated across from me, tilted her head slightly and smiled at me. "Why do you wear two scarves?" she asked. Clutching the back-up scarf, I said, "I don't know. Shall I take it off?"

They all chuckled and nodded their heads. Under their watchful eyes, I swiped the scarf off my head, folded it, and tucked it in my purse.

"Now," Noor Jahan said, "cover the lavender scarf over your head."

And so I did, to a chorus of "Oooohs."

I smiled broadly, and then Sekba said something in Dari to the group. Anargul translated: "Now you have good personality," she said, smiling right back at me.

I had to come all the way to Kabul to finally make a fashion statement!